Ami ashbo...

Jotoi gobhirey dubi na keno,
toliye kokhono jabo na...
Ami ashbo, phire phire, baare baare
ami ashbo, tomari mone...

Ami eka nai

Aakash kusum nachere ajike
Hridoyer koto khela...
Nachite nachite ghurni hawa ey
Kete jaye koto bela...

Shopno mor shopno thakibe
Chokhe nai kono jol
Hashite hashite kete jabe khhon
Ar ki chawar bol?

Dui jone mora eki buke tthai
Shitey shorote sathe thaki tai
Pagol hawa ey matiye berai
Bajna bajiye shur diye gaai

Ami boli tai
Chol hath dhore gaai
Morey nachai kadai
Taader hashai...

Eki katha bole haaki shodai...
Ami eka nai, ami eka nai, ami eka nai...

Metamorphosis

Today is a day of transformation, a moment of metamorphosis. When she kissed me before stepping out of the door, I asked her, or rather uttered out an overwhelming desire, my wish, and I said, "Now its time for me to find out the difference between surrender and dependence."

She smiled, like the way she always does - it makes me free, liberated, like there's nothing more to worry about. And she said, "When you will be able to surrender, the word dependence will have no meaning at all."

She kissed my lips one more time, and then she left. It took me one whole day to realize what came out of her mouth. This moment I have surrendered. I feel it. I know it has begun. I know why we have not fallen apart till now. She was sent for me, I knew it but I could not surrender. She came to me so that I could surrender, to her.

"However talented a person you might be, you will never be able to reach your true potential if you do not surrender yourself completely, to your guru."

I used to tell everyone about it. I felt the truth in these words. I could smell the essence of it, but could never taste it myself. I was not ready. This 'I' had been just a made up mask, to put up for all those who wanted to see, or for all those whom I wanted to show. I knew it doesn't make any difference to me, whether they saw or not, who saw and who didn't, I knew. But 'I' was just this false ego, not real, a mirage. Maybe it still is. But today, I have gathered enough courage to face this mirage, this blasphemy on my existence, and write it down, so that I can read it again and again and again, till the day I can. Today I do feel what I am - nothing.

She is my guru. I accept it, and hereby I have surrendered unto her. And with a smile I say, it is not the final step but surely the first!

She saw a dream. It was very very vivid, that's what she said. At first she said she didn't know what to make out of it. But moments later, she said she knew exactly what it meant, which shall remain a secret buried deep inside her heart.

Ranjini, Sayantani and Kamalini - they were three sisters. Sayantani was her friend in school, and she used to love the courtyard in their house. She sees herself standing there, and a little girl is playing in front. She walks to her and asks her name. The little girl says, "My name is Ritopriyo". She is still in her own world playing with herself, and she looks like the little girl in the Persian film "Mirror".

Krishnakali, although having reasons enough to be startled and surprised, doesn't seem perturbed at all. There's a staircase going up from the courtyard which she starts climbing. She sees me coming down, and she tells me about the little girl downstairs whose name is Ritopriyo. I don't look surprised either. I come down the stairs looking for her. When I meet her, she is reluctant to talk to me or even face me. She asks, "Who are you?"

She is smart, she is intelligent. And I start asking her a few questions. She shoots back instantly, answers all my questions with another question that makes me ponder. She is at ease, though I know that she doesn't like me much. And then,

"Make love with your mother", she whispers.

I hope he understands, yes he does. I am the little girl, not him.

I am preparing to sleep now. A strange gust of wind enters my windows and takes off the ox clock. It takes off my right hand, the basket on my head, and a horn from the ox head.

It is enough for me to understand that the time has come. She has come, it is time for me to make love with my mother. I surrender me unto you....

Icche

Kokhono kokhono icche hoy boro swarthopor hotey
Kokhono ba icche hoy doriya ey dil boiye ditey

Kokhono kokhono icche hoy premiker prem hotey
Kokhono ba icche hoy ek brihot shudhu shunyo hotey

Kokhono kokhono icche hoy dhonno dhyane byom hotey
Kokhono ba icche hoy pagol nritye motto hotey

Ar kokhono, matro ek prokanda brikkho kando hotey

Koto koto icche kokhon kokhon
Jhilik mare jokhon tokhon
Ar ami dubi oi sagorer dheu er moton
Achhar kheye bichar peye
Mucche dite icche kore
Amar naam...
Jate keu na amaye chinte pare

Khhoma

Ekbar bol nei, keu nei tor
Ekbar bol shei, shei hoy tor
Ayna tor aj nei, nei aj tor
Ache porey jhhuro kaache mukh chapa,
Ar buk phata khhoma...
Tobe khhoma keno chahibo ami?
Khhoma chaye oi paaper kami
Chahibo ki janish ami?
Tore kole kore dhore,
Geet gaitey jibon bhore
Shudhu gaan noy, jibon, jatra koto ki...
Tobe jobe hashi phute maan ey mor, jani
Hobo paar nodi, tori tor, mani tai aaj e
Mor roktey likhlam ami, tor naam.

It does not finish

Dong! says the clock
Love no more now...
Tis' my misery
That drowns me to tears...
Blue tears messed with black ink,
Swirling lines of no symmetry
Keep whirling in random frenzy.
Random, is it? Or is it not?

Today we celebrate!
That's how dawn began.
Red oozed out of every pore
Of our tender skin...
Soft, supple, serene...
That's how I had felt, not now
Then, when my eyes woke to new rays
Of a new year, our third...

Turned down! I am.
Disgusted
Ephemeral bitterness.
That look daunts me,
Says, 'I don't care, or whatever'
I scream. And thorns, they creep
Inside my neck, my throat
Helpless I am, I cry

I speak, my voice is broken
Broken words, broken dreams
Broken...
Broken broken broken.
I am, for what?
For her not looking,
Searching, stealing, or whatever
From my eyes tonight.

Ma! whispers a voice from far.
Says 'say', urges me, she pushes me
A teardrop makes a heart too heavy
She chuckles with the few words
To love her only and only son.
She is timid at best, I 'prehend.
For the foxes that howl, and growl
Make her tremble tonight.

This day I am blue.
The blue pot
Is on hold still...
It does not finish.

Rehai

Opodartho tumi!
Ey morichika samajer ghuranto chakre
Hariye phelecho tumi tomar nijeke,
Hariye phelecho jibon, ek nishphol abegey
Bhulecho tumi jibito!
Ei paaper prayoschitto hobe tomar amari haate
Pashan bhora shudhu eet ar pathore,
Rehai pabe na tumi amar sathe
Nah, rehai tomaye dilam na!

Kalir Khhob

Murkho tui ma, murkho tui
Protidin dhup, joba, ar chandan ey
Bondona koriya pujli jaharey
Aj shey chokkhur shamne ele abotarey
Dakliney tobu tui ghore taharey?
Je biswas ache tor chhata chhobir upore
Shey biswas nai tohar atmar upore?

Ekhon tumio shunyo

Tomare ami jenechi, chinechi, bujhechi
Menechi ami tomare
Bhangsi kopal deoal thukrey thukrey
Maati deoaler chitkey chitkey pore
Shei shukno maatir tukro haatey
Ar makha maati kopal maathey
Cholechi hete bhikhari pothey

Dhormer chakro tobey taanche morey
Ghaar ta dhore ghuriye ghuriye
Tobei tomaye shudhai tobey
Amar shaathe ki mon jurabey?
Bolo taholey
Chitkaar kore bolo tobey
Emon bhabey, jeno mon o pran o shuntey parey

Maatir gondhey modhur gondho
Lukiye lukiye daakche amaye
Taanchey amaye tomar theke duurey
Shorke shorke horke giye pori ami maati tei
Bhalobasha je emon pagol hobe
Jantem ki ar goto kaale?
Tobu shob chhere cheyechi ami tomare

Pora kopal amar
Je cheyechi ami tomare
Chawa pawa mishe giyeche
Jeno ghola jole maati tey
Swacchota ar nei kothao
Mone, praane bone badarey
Hariyeche shunyotar majhe

Shunyo shunyo shob e shunyo
Bhabini boibe hawa eto tibro jhore
Dhudhu mon moru prante eka ami
Dekhini karu chaya ekhane
Hau hau kore ghurni hawa kaade
Chai je koto chutte tumi ashbe
Icche je shei prokashye noy, gopon hoyei thakbe

Hridoyke ke jeno nigrey nicche
Nigrey nicchrey mucchrey dicche
Joto hobe toto hok, aaro hok
Joto pyache chhire porche, aaro jeno mone shwosti hocche
Bhuliye dao, dio na abar
Monke boli bhule jao
Khhoniker jonno urey jao

Bhalobashar ei daan jodi jantam
Kete chhirey kobe kheye pheltam
Phul dilam, dul dilam
Chokhe tomar kajol dilam
Dile ki tumi?
Diyecho bujhi?
Tobe bodh hoy niyecho oneyk beshi

Dewa newar hishab
Tomar sathe noy
Shey shob amar saha poribaare hoy
Tobe thakchi to ami shei deoalei
Parcho ki tumi rakhtey amaye tamo-heyalei?
Bibhishika tumi, dhikkar kore boli ami
Ratno ek, jatno ar-ek...

Khhone khhone krome kromey
Nishwas mor ruddho hoye ashe
Bekheyal ey thakte chaye mon
Edik odik ghure beriye
Kothaye shey tar thikana paye
Bole na keu shudhu hashe
Rakkhosh konthe shudhu atto hashi hashe

Shopne ami dekhechi amar maa ke pagol hote
Mon pran dewa guru jone der
Amaye niye hashi thatta korte
Hashuk tara shoibo ami
Tobe januk tara
Ey amar kaj noy
Amar kaj ami korbo

Aj dekhechi ratri belae
Amar prothom guru shorone
Esheche shey dhore hath maaer
Amare tuley dhoroner
Jonyo, niye je shey jete chaye
Shei thatta hashir doler kache amaye
Dekhate shey chaye tader, amar shopno

Ami tomari hey matongini
Jotoi katha di shonani
Keu toh jaane koto khani
Chepe dhore rakha jaaye
Mon pran o deher kaaye
Keu toh jaane je ritoh ei
Tomari hath dhore shey haat tey chaye

Khhoma koro ar bolina ami
Bolle koto jhamela jani
Nishwo ami, tatei bishwo amar
Ta chhara, amar bhitor shudhu shunyota
Shunyo kaaye shunyo klesh
Shunyo bayu shunyo besh
Ekhon tumio shunyo

Tai toh anubhob korte pari
Shuntey pari dekhte pari
Laal sada kalo bujhte pari
Likhte pari bolte pari
Jiboner gaan gaitey pari
Aaktey pari gortey pari
Phurti tey aj ami urtey pari...

Va.Ra.Na.Si.

Pigeons in a flurry, in a
'Knot' so much to worry
Farewell this time, long old friends
Fly to me when time comes again.
Fly with no fury, to wonder for a while.
Fly so free, so I may see
This fanciful feast, once at ease.

Bulls in a wrestle, in a
Big hungry bustle, tight in a tussle,
Voraciously howl to a thuddle-thud-thump.
Where silence does not measure
Loudness or softness, in empty gallon cans.
This silence breathes,
A deep yellow east.

Vasun-dhara-krishna-sindura
All flow through in one river of love
This sweet aroma, to breathe
Of life in sweat and glory.
This moment in time, we celebrate
In rapturous hues of fussy-dizzy-hazy
Still screaming unheard! Va.Ra.Na.Si.

Mateura

Mateura Mateura
Don't you want to know,
Where your son wants to lie?
In a lap? In a wrap?
In a red cozy cushion trap?
Or those leaves, with the wind they cry
Out for some space whispering...

Mateura Mateura
Don't you want to see,
Where your son flies free?
Through the break of a brook,
And rustle of the breeze,
The flutter tailed grey bird
Glides at ease, shivering...

Mateura Mateura
Don't you want to be,
Where your son stays in glee?
Across canopies of pine, in green serene
Among apples and peaches and plums pretty purple
While a white giant from the distance, stares at me
Gleaming, ...glistening, ...listening

Bitters

Bitterness is sweet. I believe
This bitternes we'll forget.
We have a life too big to live,
It's big big bigger than what we get!

Bitterness is fine
For us to go on and find
The reason for us to stay
This very same way, and never while away...

When we open our eyes wide enough,
We see chaste love within!
So decide in haste if you may,
But if you follow your heart, I know you'll say
This stupid foolish bitterness
Tis' nothing nothing, not today...

Bolo tumi ke?

Dekhtey dekhtey, dekhtey dekhtey...
Shudhui tomarey dekhitey dekhitey...
Aaj, khuje nahi pai tomarey
Lukiye tumi acho hey kotha?
Kaane kaane shudhu shuni shey katha
Tumi bolo tobey,
Rekhecho ki tumi e, lukiye morey?

Hai hotobhaga tui! khujish karey?
Bolchi ami pabiney taarey
Kanna dhore chokher dharey
Rekhechish taar mon aadharey
Tobu, chepe rakha kon ondhokarey
Taanche torey chhayar twarey
Dakche torey mayar bhore
Kaadchey torey jhaapte dhore...

Janish ki tui? ey kanna pore
Ondho je tui aalo aadharey
Bikel pore, noyoner ek mridu aadoley
Dekhi tomarey, tobu nao shey tumi
Chitkaar kore bolo tobey...
Tumi ke? tumi ke? tumi ke?

The swing

I'm caged... Full stop. I'm now swirling in a latitudinal swing... At the moment I'm crying in the cradle of this mother-sworn basket which lures you to sleep... In a sleep where you see what they show, a sublime essence of crystal stained glasses deluding your sense to see, with a splattering kaleidoscope of clinkerring dreams.

And all they show
Is what they have made
None what you can make
I am here now, wide awake
To tell you the truth!
So they give me a taste of their juice
Mixed by men monotoned...
And I doze
Like you and those
Who knows, why
They crave to remain
Here, where lies nothing
But sand, but a tide to learn...
That's all, and just the swing.

Vixen, her name

Fear now...
Fear you fowl!
Fear her howl...
Juicy fangs to clench
My flesh...
My pace I know
Is dragging low...

In a stealing glance
From the opening...
I can see... I can see... I can see...
A rocket on a payroll
Is chasing me...
A hippo in humble cheese 'n' spice
Is flippering flabbering love in dice...
My dove she's gone, flown a-lone...

Vixen, her name now...
With wings she's raging!
She's chasing, she's caging,
Flinching and screeching!
Green blood, her whim
Is screaming screaming screaming!

Hobey!

Ki bhabchho tobey?
Hobey ki na hobey?
Shotti hobey na mithye hobey?
Hobey toh hole kobe hobey?
Aj hobey na kal hobey?
Holeo ba ar ki je hobey?
Ei proshno khelar shesh kobey?
Bhabcho tumi ar ki hobey...

Ar ki hobey bolle hobey?
Shoitey hobey, koitey hobey
Boltey hobey hobei hobey!
Bolo ki chai, tai hobey
Tumi jodi chao tobei hobey
Thik kore shudhu chaitey hobey
Aj hobe noy kaal hobey
Hobar holey hobei hobey!

Megh ashley brishti hobey
Borsha holei shoshyo hobey
Biye holey shishu hobey
Shishu holei shey boro hobey
Churi korley dholai hobey
Dholai holei kanna pabey
Gai kaatley dhormo jabey
Dhormo gelei maan harabey

Ei poth holo shuru shobey
Aaro koto poth choltey hobey
Shomoy er shaathey chhut tey hobey
Chhut tey holey portey hobey
Portey holey uthtey hobey
Uthtey uthtey urtey hobey
Shoitey hobey, koitey hobey
Hobei hobey, hobei hobey!

Him and his remains

She has my blessings. She does not know. Unaware. She does not care.

Even if she doesn't know that she is set to be free before him, I know it. He has to stay. For some more time. Alone.

Symphony she shows. She is supposed to go happy. Because that's all she knows. That's the only way she knows. Harmony.

The tide is breaking down the walls of named wisdom. Its smooth and slow. As if there is no pain. Years, and aeons, and moments, they look the same. They slash. And smoothen the surface. Of those walls so fluently carved and crafted when made. Every lash he tries to stand strong. And slips. And slips. And slips. By now, he must have learnt to slip well, on the smoothness of once dreamt of inglorious palace walls. Lonely as it stills now. It stills. Still.

No one stays there now. Only Him. Him and his remains. And everyone else is gone now. Even her.

Ei Ami

A kaleidoscope of splifferaging colours...
Like lines that don't rhyme, yet sound like poem...
This is me. Ei ami.

Maan harano

Krishnokoli tomaye ami mani
Tomarey ami maan boli
Maan haraley,
Kotha jai ami?

Sheydin guru ghono megh daakey,
Aar mora boshey alokkhoney.
Giyechilam shudhu jharna dekhtey.
Chhilona shey jharna,
Chhilo shudhu aprostut ek barnona.
Shey barnona mele na go roj kaaley,
Kali barnona boli ami...
Kamponey jhakiya othey
Sharbo shorir aajo,
Jodi bhabi shei khhon.
Bhabiney kokhhono bhabiney
Ei amar siddhi, tai
Ei amar bidhi,
Tumi.

Aata gaache tota pakhi

Strange. Just a good word to begin with. Aaah actually, I am eating a fantastic fruit right now. Something called custard apple. Custard. With apple. And I'm feeling strange. Strange to the nest of my... mmm... inner... whatever! The truth is I am ravishingly relishing the raunchy taste of this fabulous fruit, my sweet manna. And the very strange juice of it. You know how it rolls your tongue like a hurricane ride? Sugary, sultry, pinch of soury, crude, a little rude after perpetual panache, right to the word.

Ektu tok ektu mishti,
Majhe majhe alpo kheyal.
Bodh hocche rajar phal khacchi.
Maane phul-phal, haan shei phal.
Bole take aanta.
Hashi pele kichu korar nei,
Naamtai tai.

Ja bolchilam ta holo,
Er shwaad o shourabh,
Thik je rokom jibhe theke
Allad kore,
Bodh kori ami ei muhurtey
Amar nijer astityo hariye
Sheti pran diye anubhab korchi.

Korte korte,
Bekheyale
Ashey,
Je khacche taar chhobi.
Shey ek porajito raja.
Shey raja karur noy.
Shudhu taar nijer.
Shey taar nijer raja.
Shey raja hoyeche
Taar nijer kheyale,
Nijo heyale.
Shey bhebechilo shey parbe.
Shey bhebechilo shey dewal dhore uthbe
Shey bhebechilo shey ekdin raja hobe.

Nijer i kheyale,
Aaj shey raja hoyeche.

Aata! Aaha Aata!
Tomar srishti taar i jonyo!

Tomar je rosh, antarer kosh,
Ki bhabei ba boli?
Ki bhabei ba likhi?

Banglaye,
Ami ashikkhito.
Maa kali bolchi!
Bangla bhashaye hardly porechi
Haatey gona koyekta bangla galpo,
Ar paaye gona koyekta bangla kobita.
Byas, amar dour oto tukui...

Shada table cloth,
Baati amar,
Rang taar
Shada.
Ar taar modhye
Kowa kowa aata.
Aboshyoi khola
Kowa kota chorano,
Ar amar hathe chamuch!
Chhoto, beshi boro noy
Naam tar teaspoon.
Ar mukhe ekti matro taaja kowa
Ar taar rosh...
Maane juice... strange juice!

Nah, erokomti ar hoyna...
Biswa jora ar onyo kono phal nei
Je er kachakachi o ashtey parey.

Er ek adbhut nabhi,
Er ek alada bhasha.

Chhowaye,
Gondhey,

Amar naritey
Dheuer moto,
Kampan diye choleche.
Proti kaamorey,
Proti mochorey,
Bodh hocche,
Protiti kowa ek bochhor dhore khacchi.

Mishti mukh diye shuru,
Ar ek kochlatey,
Ey pith theke o pith,
Jibher shiraye halka tok.
Ar amar mukhe photey
Chotto hashi.
Tushki hashi, ektu byaka.
Ar shei hashitei guri guri koto
Mishti lebu daana.
Jokhon maritey maritey
Makha makhi daatey
Guri guri koto daana,
Ek ashamanyo chinikrito ghorshon chhara kichu
Anubhob kora maana.

Aaj raja abhibhuto!
Ei nondoniyo abhigyotaye
Aaj raja rajokiyo!

Aaj ey aata atuloniyo!
Aaro 99 ta lobhoniyo kowa
Amar dike takiye ache shada baati theke.

Aata shey hashe, ar tota rajar gaaley aaro ek gaal hashi ashe.