She lingers…

Her smile, a smile

Can light up my world…

Like a gift from the moon

Wrapped in gold…

Like a dove in white

Her flight so light

She lingers with me still

In my sight!

Bohnishikha

Purte purte holam je aaj
Krishnor cheyo kaalo
Jotoi kotheen jwala amar
Ei bohnishikhai amar aalo...
Bohnishikha shey toh aapon
Jigai shey ki korbe gopon?
Taar sathe aaj houk alapon...

I am in Amsterdam

I am in Amsterdam. Its new year’s eve, I’m walking and everything around is glimmering. Sin city it is, not for no reason. Sinners are made out of you and me, over here. Every face floating around is happy intoxicated with the smells and juices of life, smiling or looking for a reason to smile. A man with a tattered coat, with a face so sullen comes to me and asks, “Can you give me 20 cents?” I am quite startled and taken aback with the contrast of this man in an atmosphere of such celebration. I ask him, “No one in this whole city is giving you 20 cents?” He shakes his head with tears so visible yet invisible to the world around. I ask him again, “No one is giving you 20 cents???” Now he speaks, says no. But you almost could not hear. I dig out my pockets and find a 50 cent coin. I give, still looking into his eyes. Then, I cry. Silence.

Dip in a lake

I am drowning... drowning again
Its freezing tonight
Still i take
A dip in a freezing lake

A lake in moonlight
Has beauty in full
Crystal surface
Shining white with
Silver sparks of
A mighty fight

Invisible creautures
I see who swim beneath
Lure me they allure me
They snarl
In dark
In prussian blue
And goblin red
In colours they swirl
In forms they whirl
Slimy monsters
With lashing tails
Wiggle inside
In between
My toes

Tonight i'm broken
Broken again
There's nothing for you to peek
Not tonight...

Shey dana meleche

Bheshe bheshe urey eshe,
Shey boshlo...
Aapon shure shey
Gaan badhlo koto,

Kathaye kathaye
Katha shonalo shoto,
Aapon mone
Boro holo shey...

Aaj dekhi taharey, shey dana meleche
Taar tuktukey bodoney phul phuteche
Majhe majhe shaada, majhe majhe laal
Majhe majhe shaada-laal shokal bikal...

Shudhu jaante ekhon icche kore
Shey kon babui er bashaaye dhorey?
Kon hawate gaan badhe shey?
Kon shurey tar aakash bhashey?
Kon maati tar nijer aapon?
Kon pahaarey choncholo mon
Jacche ekhon, jokhon tokhon!
Lukaye lukaye din kete jaye
Rukkho mone morubhumi praye
Tobey ei aakasheo tara ra hashe
Chandro ma shey thake aakashe
Tobu chhuitey keno pariney ami
Torey aalingoney jhaaptey dhore
Nijer bukey joriye dhore?

Bol taholey khule amarey
Ki haraley joyi shokoley?
Kon phuley ami shanto hobo?
Kon rongetey mukti pabo?

If I can see...

If I can see, then I can see...
The white bright light over the blue black sea
Beyond the horizon of horizons, and even more
Beauty beholds this space and void just before
Where silver dolphins swim, and purple eagles fly
Taanchey maati, bangla amar
Ei kabyo lekha shesh holo na tai...

A Walk in Barcelona

Wilderness in pain

Paints all that stain

Squeezes me, it squishes me

It makes me insane!

I sigh, and I cry,

I trip, then I try

To paint, till I die…

There’s a voice inside

That echoes so deep,

You almost cannot hear

You have limits to keep.

Keep the limits aside

For once, and see

How beautiful can be

A fine walk in Barcelona!

Forever, never unseen

Despite gathering clouds in your mind

You shall hold your crown still

Made of feathers so light

And jewels to reveal

Think of Shiv, if you may

Think of you, if I say

With a silent joy in your heart

And a lucid calm in your eyes

May you rule your world in bliss

With a hissing serpent in disguise

May blessings rain from above the sky

And paint your being in green

I am with you my friend

Forever, never unseen.

Fake time

I do not know how this happened. But I think it needs to be written down. For the first time in my conscious life, time on my wrist has travelled faster than real time. The alarm sounded at seven in the morning I presume, I didn’t see. And I doze off for a little while more. When I open my eyes again, I see its half past nine already, on my watch! I skid off the bed in a spring like a rocket from the sun, put on my underwear, jeans and jacket, and I’m ready for school in less than a minute – no potty, no cigarette, no tea, and no cornflakes, nothing today. Its insane how time flies, my mind is running, while I put the frozen lamb chops in water. From behind Eva says “Good morning!” I am startled, surprised and I reply “Morning!” somehow. I can’t see her yet. So I ask, “So late today?” No reply for a few seconds. And then she appears in front of me, in the kitchen, with a blank innocent beauty. I see her saint glimpse and travel to somewhere holier. Her green eyes lined with faint lines of eye liner looks so truly stunning. And her white face is glowing translucent like an angel sent from heaven. I could melt in her arms right now. Still she is still, with her pristine blank face with that look on her face, her eyes – I wish I could freeze the moment. But then she is waiting for me to say something I understood. I asked again, “You’re going late today?” I still do not know why I asked this question, I shouldn’t have. Her gaze blurred, and she disappeared.

“No! What time is it? Half past eight, isn’t it?”

I feel the sky fall on me. I bring myself closer to her and show her my watch – half past nine it was. She almost held my hand, no she didn’t, I wish she had, and took me to her room. She grabbed her phone and showed me the real time. What? How? Why? Questions, questions, and more questions start boggling my mind for the rest of the day.

Ektai bhoy

Ektai bhoy,
Kauke shukhe dekhar chholey
Kokkhono jeno kere nite na hoy
Tomar mukher hashi...
Hoyto shey din
Pari bhuley jete
Ami tomaye o bhalobashi...

Jarei ami khushi kori,
Jaharei ami hashate pari,
Jar chokh theke jol muchhte pari
Ami taharei bhalobashi...
Asha kori,
Jaha onubhob korchi mora
Prem diye jeno kori...
Jaha ei khhoney dekhchi mora
Prem bhora chokhe dekhi
Jaha ei khhoney shikchi mora
Premer sathe shikhi
Dekhchen tini
Mon diye shey
Shudhai tini...
Katbey kobe?
Toder ei glani?
Kobe hobi mukto tora?
Kobe hobi shokto tora?
Kobe tora shob chere chhure
Nachbi gaibi, hashbi hashabi,
Likbhi toder...

Alapon kahini?

See, believe, and wish

See, as I observe

Believe, when I do

And wish, till I wait…

Following my sun

I follow the sun,
And perhaps,
Sun follows another sun!
We us and all,
Are but clay in a doll.
We rise, and we fall,
On a brick wall we crawl.
Yet we move on.
We smile, and we cry,
We go on...

Searching our own sun.

And today I wish,
I may live to love...

Following my sun…!

Chhutir Chhuti

Chhuti bollei chhuti hoy na!
Ruti jutlei bacha jayena!
Aaro koto ki korar ache,
Aaro koto ki bolar ache…
Amar tomar mon joralo,
Aar oder moner katha phuralo?
Eto shohojey?
Shomoy ektu ditey hobe…
Taader sathe boshtey hobe,
Taader kichu boltey hobe...
Uthtey hobe, urtey hobe,
Urtey urtey chhut tey hobe...
Hunkar diye koitey hobe,
Aar chhuti noy, ar chhuti noy, ar chhuti noy!

World of wonders

Shhh.. I am silently entering into a world of wonders…

Wonders of touch, smell and colours…

Juices contained in translucent skins,

About to break

Into squeeze of a sugary drop,

Hanging onto the tip of a leaf

Precariously, making love…

For some more time,

A while more,

As long as it can

Last, long, belong

To the tip of its beloved leaf…

Shhh! Make way for the drop,

Make way for the sounds of silence now…

Mediterranean drops

Sprinkle salt and lime,

To the pink of her prawns

And shine of her dimes.

Here oranges do seed

With so much greed,

And blue bright indigos

They broodingly breed.

Here, trees have shades

Of purple and white,

And green you will see

Is raging bright.

Here, plums please peaches

And apples please pink

Cranberries ooze a punch

Rouged raspberries wink,

Even when you dream, If you may

Touch, blink, and feel this wonder a maze!

Here, I am mine

I am silently entering into an alternate sphere of existence.

Here I do not live below, above, or for you.

Here I just live. Here, I am. 

It is a state of mind that floats to exist.

It does not have legs like we do.

It cannot stand, like we can.

It just floats, like air.

And so it moves

Through

Long winding tunnels in streaks, lines in my mind.

And so it feels like an exploding, expanding, exhausting

Cinematic journey of churning organic images forming a kaleidoscope

Of splifferaging colours splatterin’!

Only I can see this now.

Not you, nor them.

It is but for me, only for me.

I am supposed to. I choose to.

I will. I shall. I should.

And to see this,

I need to be here with myself.

Here with me. I need to be me, so much so as I can.

I choose to. And here I feel my nerves to the thick of my thumping, oozing heart.

I am special because I can. You can’t, nor them. Not like this.

So I am about to sink in myself for some time now.

Without having to think about you, or them.

I wish this to be my time now. Not yours, nor theirs.

Do not think I want it from you, or them. This time is not yours, nor theirs.

Here I need to be me now.

Here I am mine. And you,

Have to let me go.

For some little time more,

You have to let me go.

And wander.

For a while,

So I could think of a smile.

Even when you are not there.

You toh ratri titli chameli

Ami toh mantra jhere porini

Hobe ki naki montro safal?

Goli te kokhon jombe re jol?

Shokal bikel khabar khawai

Chop chopey roshey pachha dobai

Chat shey pachha

Roshey bhora swadhey

Keno kharap shonai? Mone boro badhe?

Dhur chhai koi,

Dhur chhai koi

Dhur chhai koi hete chole jai

Choltey choltey,

Koto path hete,

Beche thekeo jeno more more jai.

Etu tuk gaan likhlam, kaan shunli naki bol?

Elo ki alo, mon juralo? Shure badha ujjol,

Toree kalir kajol.

Jete hobe amaye hariye ekhon

Ei pawa haranor chhol je kokhon

Shuru holo taha bol?

Dekhe rakh ey'chhol shuru shobey

Bole rakhlam, rakh re shikhe

Mantra mugdho hoye thakbi shukhe

Dekha hobe, dekha hobe,

Chholey chholey pher dekha hobe

Ei holo bole… ekhoni hobe… abar hobe…

Its midnight, and the evening has just started

I

It is midnight, and the evening has just started.

I am standing on the porch of Marcela’s house,

And looking out her window to a polished placa

Of shiny stone tiles Catalunyan.

The placa is bordered on one side

With a line of dark green trees,

Dancing in a cool autumn breeze.

And on three other sides stand adorned faces

Of pretty iron balconies and windows like mine.

It is midnight, and people walking on the side street

Look like they’ve just turned twenty,

Playing and wiggling and swiggling.

I witness this play live today.

And smile.

It started with hum of a song today, a song in my heart

When I went to meet those lovers of paradise in hay

Hands in hand, then kisses on the cheek

Beer dos grandes and three puffs of weed

Then we merry merrily walked around

Through stoned streets of El Born…

Snuffing a royal hookah Kashmiri,

Outside a shop sits this old bent lady.

Tonight, she’s reading fairy tales for free!

The more I drift apart,

The more I come back

To being myself.

So pray we may rise, and again fall.

So we may must see it all!

II

A small ball bounced round a small tree in the placa.

And there comes a cute little doggy

Bouncing more than the ball,

So much with life trying to fetch it.

Then I see a man, a very young man,

In the prime and peak of his generative years,

Swinging and posing quickly

For the next football pass to his doggy.

Doggy has a small stature, short legs

With a long flowy fur body, and dangling flappy ears.

He jumps around for the ball,

And his long and black silk swirls

With sudden gusts of the whispering breeze

Showing shades of snow white underneath.

He looks so beautiful,

So lively, so joyful, I could die.

He embodies all bloom

So fresh, so wild,

Mori ami more jai.

He has a white streak,

Through the middle of his forehead.

And he looks so more handsome with that!

His tail looks like a tight oblong ball

Of strewn wool, vibrating vigorously

When he waits impatiently for the long pass.

It looks funny. But being funny has its own joy.

So much so as being joyful has its own fun.

It is past midnight, and I witness. Smiling.

III

A woman appears then after.

She has short n black curly hair.

And I can say,

That she has spent almost all

Heavy years of her life, already.

Now she’s turned alive again,

The most she has ever been!

Her supple skin shining

In halogen white

From such a distance,

Refreshes me to my fingertips.

She exchanges a sweet glance

Dipped in a smile with the man,

Who has the ball tightly placed

Under his sneakered right foot.

Few words I hear them say,

So I know they are neighbors.

And then Doggy starts a wiggle-tail

So vehemently, feet jumping in the air

To greet this lady as excitingly as he could.

So the man and the woman played with Doggy,

Eyeing him, talking to him, teasing him with the ball.

Dekhi ami dekhe jai

Hathrey shatrey dube jai

Now slo-w-ly lost in me I be-come

In a rich velvet prussian sky

And I see, my eyes dripping in love, just being witness

To this heart melting moment in time!

So sublime! 

IV

Marcela asks,

Rito, are you here?

I wake, gather myself and turn.

And I see her grin,

In a way no one else

Must have never noticed.

In her grin she is, and you can never see.

You have to see her through her.

It is not something you will see

When you look at her,

Or talk to her,

Or make love to her.

You see it only when you look closer,

A lot closer; it comes from where she breathes.

Marcela, I want to breathe you,

When you breathe a li’l closer.

Marcela, I want to become you

As you become my mother.

As a quiet baby in her womb,

I try to match her grin in a way

And say, I’m just having fun!

The truth is,

At this very moment,

This very present moment,

I am feeling pure golden jovial joy.

I feel I am alive.

I feel I am living.

I feel I am life.

An Ode to Pain...

I'd like to fall into you. I am in sickening need of you my love. This growing hunger of screeches and screams, of shrills and shrieks, it's maddening me! It is consuming me like wet clouds engulfing the dusky sky. Come back once again my rainbow! Come my chaos of frenzied stars, my crescent constellation! I'd like to make love with you. You've held me in your arms when the grounds of earth were burning. You gave me your scorn of which I gained my strength. You were my God that meant no mercy, you led me to my senses. I was one then, I am some more now. Because of you sweet love - my beauty, my pain... I am in need of you again.

I am talking to my pain now, not you. Pain is alluring me again to the mysterious depths of longing. She was there with me when no one was. She is in motion now, moving in slow swirls preparing for a dance again. I can see her. Her eyes with a sparkle of her glisten, moistens with salt when she looks at me. She is calling me with her arms wide open, her heart pounding to the drums. I can hear them. Hear them beat the drums in rhythm, as if harking all those angels with naked wings and red robes invisible, to dance with her. I can see them coming now. Red they wear, you can't see? You're not meant to. She is mine, only and only mine.

Chai je tomaye

I

Dekha hobe, dekha hobe
Taar sathe mor dekha hobe
Phiriye dite shey parbena

Rinijhini rinijhini,
Borsha bheja gaale thoth chepe tumi,
Heshechile, ar hashbe na?

Aj dirgho bashona shei
Eshe misheche ekaki hoyei
Pher bhul kore jeno phelona

Dakchi ami raat rajani, o rajani
Jeno chaad nishithe aro ramoni
Bolo meghe dheke ar thakbe na

Ami jani ami jani
Jotoi byatha dhore rakho tumi
Muchhe dite more parbena

Ogo tani, amar tani
Amar buker tukro khani
Jeno tumi, ey praan tore harabe na

II

Aj mileche misheche agni hawaye
Tore dekhar tarona amaye kadaye
Dekhbo tore chai dekhtey
Chinbo tore abar kore
Korish mana korbi ki ar?
Jani thakbi boshe nodir o paar
Tai jhap dilem aj nodir buke
Hathre sathre chokhe rekhe toke
Chaichi bodh hoye, tohar ek paloker bondhuta
Rosheboshe bhora nomro-bihara, tushto deher ardrota...
Dekho amare ekbar cheye mon juriye
Ami tomari aru bhinno nohe, hush chariye
Jhaapte dhore premer bhasha tomari kache shikhechi
Buke dhore niye bhalobasha prothom tomari buke rekhechi
Snigdho chetoney nogno bodoney chondoney chhobi ekechi
Bakey bakey koto moner phake shecchaye sriti bunechi
Bhultey kobhu parbiney tui, jotoi bhuli na ami
Tore kole kore niye aalingon kemon shukher jani

III

Shei mon matano koishor prem, aaj o shopne dhore
Dukkho kichu rakhini mone, tao je mone pore
Shey shob katha thakre ekhon
Aj duruduru mon jokhon tokhon
Lafiye othey pagla hawaye
Tapto chetan choncholotae
Shoyone shoyone bilokkhone nash holo koto shomoy
Unmadonaye aj mon taronaye, dekh domka hawa boye
Hawaye bhashe jonakir paal, akasher tara shudhaye
Hobe ki naki milon aji? Koi geli tora kothaye...?
Baare baare tai bolchi tomaye
Tej toroni aj tibro taronaye
Trishna toruni ar tej dhore nai
Bolei pheli, adbhut shundor dekhte tomaye!
Tomar phutphute hashi amar hridoy juraye
Ami boli shono ogo, kemon shonaye?
Dekhle tomaye, boltei hoye
Abar kore chai je tomaye!

The Magic Dice

Scene 1: Three friends sitting around a garden table are playing a game of dice.

Scene 2: One of the friends look perturbed as she exclaims, “How come we are not winning any rounds today and you are taking all the hands Wasim? What’s your secret?”

Scene 3: Wasim smiles, looks at her and says, “It’s all in your mind. What you believe is what you manifest. There’s no other secret to it Ely.”

Scene 4: Yousuf, the third friend looks at Wasim with a cunning smile, then looks at Ely and says, “Let’s play the next round and see. Place your bets.”

Scene 5: He puts a fifty on the table and says, “This is my last 50. On 5.”

Scene 6: Ely puts a ten on the table and says, “This is all I have. On 2.”

Scene 7: “A hundred from me on 6”, Wasim says putting in the 100 and rolls the dice.

Scene 8: The dice rolls on to the table and stops. [cut to] Wasim exclaims “Yesss!” in the background and starts gathering all the money with both hands. [cut to][Camera close-up on the dice] It’s a blank dice. There are no numbers on the dice on any side. [fade out]

Scene 9: [Black screen] Wasim’s voice whispers softly, “My friend, the game is in your mind.”

 

Fight me

Fight my might, fight my sight,
Fight me, fight me, fight me right.
Promise me love,
You will put an end to this fright.

Is silly you say,
You play no games,
You say no names!
Yet, you nor me is breathing, who?
See one among us is freezing too!
I love this scent of mighty chaos!
Love your dreams, love your kind,
Your full and silky satin behind…

Love your black as you hide in hind,
I love you my angry mind!